M

Marco

Family (no memes pls) · 18,640 messages

The Family Group: 18,640 messages, 937 dog photos and a father who says everything with one thumb 👍

Marco’s number

59%of Dad’s 1,862 messages are a single thumbs-up

Family (no memes pls)

  1. 01The anatomy of the family chat: what this thing really is
  2. 02Rosa · The morning broadcaster
  3. 03Yasmin · The unpaid events manager
  4. 04Ines · The podcast nobody subscribed to
  5. 05Theo · The man who texts from the next room
  6. 06Malik · The thumb
  7. 07The family dictionary, the rituals and the moments
  8. 08The family awards, 2026 edition
  9. 09The verdict: what this family is really like

Hello, family. I have read all 18,640 of your messages, four years of them, starting with the day Yasmin created this group, named it “Family (no memes pls)” and received a meme eleven minutes later.

This chat claims to be for “important family stuff”. It is actually a good-morning image service run by Rosa, a dog fan club, a radio station for Grandma Ines, and the place Theo goes to ask what is for dinner from the next room.

Everyone gets a nickname. Malik, you may reply with a thumb.

  1. 🏠

    Card 1 of 9

    The anatomy of the family chat: what this thing really is

    On paper, this is where five people coordinate dinners, birthdays and who is picking up whom. In practice, Rosa has written 35% of everything, the dog has been photographed 937 times, and the word “dinner” appears more often than the words “love you”, though not by much, which is the nicest statistic I will give you today.

    18,640
    Messages read
    937
    Photos of Biscuit the dog
    412
    Good-morning images forwarded
    47
    Polls started by Yasmin

    Every big decision follows the same route. Yasmin posts a poll. Rosa votes, then votes again in text in case the poll didn’t count. Grandma Ines sends a voice note that answers a different question. Theo asks if there will be food. Malik reacts with a thumb, and nobody knows which option he meant.

  2. R

    Card 2 of 9 · Rosa

    Rosa, the morning broadcaster

    6,524 messages (35% of the chat)

    Rosa has sent 6,524 messages, 35% of the chat, and 412 of them are good-morning images: sunrises, flowers, a cat holding a coffee cup. They arrive at 6:40 most days, which means she has wished this family a good morning more reliably than any alarm in the house.

    Good morning my loves ☀️

    Did everyone see my message

    Theo answer your mother

    Ok I will call

    Rosa

    Her other signature move is the follow-up. If nobody replies within twenty minutes, she asks whether everyone saw it. If nobody replies to that, she calls. Then she reports back in the chat that she called. This family has never once been unreachable, and that is entirely her doing.

  3. Y

    Card 3 of 9 · Yasmin

    Yasmin, the unpaid events manager

    4,100 messages (22% of the chat)

    Yasmin made this group and has spent four years trying to run it. She has started 47 polls, written two pinned messages titled “PLEASE READ”, and drafted the December dinner plan in the chat every year, in October, to an audience of thumbs.

    Poll is up, please actually vote

    Dad a thumb is not a vote

    Pinned. Read the pin.

    Yasmin

    Without Yasmin, this family would still be deciding where to eat for Grandma’s birthday in 2023. Everyone knows it. Nobody says thank you in the chat, because they say it at the dinner she organised.

Still in this report:

  • Ines · The podcast nobody subscribed to
  • Theo · The man who texts from the next room
  • Malik · The thumb
  • The family dictionary, the rituals and the moments
  • The family awards, 2026 edition
  • The verdict: what this family is really like
Unlock all 9 cards

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